Rebirth

So as many of you may know I WAS a crazed fashion person. I loved shoes, clothes, and makeup. My cravings were strong for these things. My appetite never fulfilled. Countless disappointments and many arguments. I couldn’t get enough.

Being from NYC was where it all began for me. We live very superficial and materialistic lives in NYC, we have nothing else to bring our attention to because in reality nothing else is made priority. As a child my mom loved for me to look perfect every where I went because it was a representation of who she was. FALSE. I grew up or more like I was trained to be that look amazing all the time person, now don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with that but for me particularly it was. See my battles were those of an addicted person, more more and more was my attitude. Shopping was my cure (temporarily) to bigger issues like loneliness, feelings of being unappreciated, and it helped as a way for me to practice my rebellion.

Years passed and it was not only me now, God blessed me with 5 little beings and as many have said children are  like sponges. I began to see that first hand. When my demons became my childrens’ demons there was some rethinking to be done. Well something happened and it certainly happened very quietly. God likes to work in the midst of silence. Last year for my husband and I’s 10th year anniversary we went to Asheville, NC. This place is beautiful, eclectic and sooo free yes free is the word I like to best describe it with. So many people inspired me, the mountains and beautiful views made me feel closer to God. Things that seemed so crucial to me on my everyday life just didn’t in this wonderful place. I woke up feeling soo different, so connected to nature and primarily God. He had taken something so simple and ripped something soooooo extremely hard for me in just 3 days. My marriage felt renewed, my urges were fulfilled with something better than materials and it was Gods love and my husbands love. I had time to realize his (hubby’s) love for me because I wasn’t trying to fill in the blanks with my obsession.  We came back from this vacation and I felt so quiet, almost lifeless and with no personality. Struggled with that for about 3 months and just questioned God what’s up with me? Why am I so lifeless? I didn’t get an answer right away.  He made me wait. Then one morning I woke up and felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. For years I had bricks weighing me down and now I felt as if I could fly.

My addiction was gone. I could see things clearly now. My selfish ways were destroying my marriage and my children. But we all know God doesn’t just leave us there.  It was hard coming to the conclusion that for many years I was not me just some person fabricated by my upbringing.

I was really plain Jane. I have experienced rebirth.